readytorunbook Chapter 198 I am not a cattail
Chapter 198 I am not a cattail
The bond between Jiang Feng and Guan Shanyun went through three stages.
In the first stage, Jiang Feng had just crossed over and was dealt a bad hand. Her mother wanted to marry her to her aunt's cousin. She envied Guan Shanyun's freedom to come and go, and although she didn't have real feelings for him, she had no psychological pressure to pursue him.
If you catch it, it will be a godsend prize.
It doesn’t matter if you can’t catch her, after all, there are two-legged men everywhere.
And at that time, Guan Shanyun really only treated her as a little sister.
By the second stage, things started to get complicated.
Although Guan Shanyun has confirmed his feelings and is ready to return to Liangzhou to propose to the Jiang family, due to fate, brother Chu Yan entrusted his sister to him before his death, and he is instead tied down.
Moreover, Jiang Feng also has a lover.
Jiang Feng no longer mentioned marrying him, and he could not mention his happiness either.
In the third stage, Jiang Feng was hurt by love and Chu Yan betrayed Guan Shanyun. The two of them supported each other and went through the most difficult time.
Maybe it was because Guan Shanyun rejected Jiang Feng in the past without any hesitation, and was resolute and thorough; maybe it was because Chu Yan misled him with ulterior motives, making Jiang Feng mistakenly believe that Guan Shanyun loved Chu Yan deeply.
So, when Guan Shanyun asked her during the fireworks of the Lantern Festival whether she was still willing to marry him, Jiang Feng just thought it was sympathy, pity, and compensation.
At that time, she could no longer pretend nothing had happened and happily marry him as she had done when she was a child.
Memories hurt.
There is a person and a car in front of me.
It is her obsession and her beautiful dream in the boudoir.
Her dream of traveling the world with a sword was shattered the moment she set foot in Chang'an.
In the past, no matter how many times Guan Shanyun rejected her, she still felt that she had a chance.
But now, she has other ties.
If Li Longye treated her normally, she might still be able to fight for a free and unfettered future.
But she held two imperial edicts conferring the title of concubine, and also carried Li Longye's deep love.
Can you do whatever you want?
Guan Shanyun knew her hesitation and said, "Prince Xue's two edicts are his promise to you. Morning Bi Hai and evening Cang Wu are my promise."
Jiang Feng still didn't speak.
Guan Shanyun said: "Before I came to see you, I had already talked to Prince Xue. He said..."
Guan Shanyun saw Jiang Feng's surprised expression and felt a little bitter. He continued, "He said you are free."
Li Longye actually let her make her own choice!
How could he let her choose!
He kept adding weight to one end of the scale. He took the initiative to propose postponing the wedding date. He promised to go back to Liangzhou with her to pay tribute to his deceased mother. He asked for an imperial edict, but it was not enough, so he asked for another imperial edict and a divorce letter!
His determined attitude only tied her tighter with invisible ropes.
"A Feng, you have no responsibility to anyone, and you don't have to feel guilty."
"A Feng, do you want to marry him? Do you want to spend your whole life with him? Is staying in Luoyang every day what you want?"
……
Guan Shanyun's repeated questions broke Jiang Feng's psychological defenses. She struggled, suffered, and doubted. Finally, in the chaos, a ray of light appeared. She followed the light and asked with tears in her eyes:
Brother, is it okay if I don’t love you?
Guan Shanyun was stunned.
Li Longye was not the man she wanted to be with for the rest of her life, so could it be that she was?
He already knew the answer, but when she said it so directly, his heart still ached so much that he couldn't breathe.
Jiang Feng said: "It is not easy to rebuild the hope of life! But no matter how difficult it is, in the past year or so, I have rebuilt my future."
She shattered her expectation of being together forever and accepted a marriage between the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl, where they only met once a year.
She abandoned the basic requirement of monogamy and chose relative uniqueness and short-term possession.
She doesn't want children because she feels that life is full of suffering.
She does not seek fame or status because it is meaningless.
She refused to enter the ancestral temple because she did not want to be worshipped.
She arranged her major life events in a pessimistic but self-consistent way, and then hypnotized herself day after day: This is good, and I can live a happy life this way.
Over time, she really thought so.
But at this moment, Guan Shanyun gave her another option.
She needs to go through the original reconstruction process all over again.
But is it easy to recreate flesh and blood?
Jiang Feng knew very well what the root of all this pain was.
Because she still can't forget that person.
If that person had not appeared, she could still chase after Guan Shanyun and ask him to take her away.
You can also happily arrange a new life in Luoyang.
She said: "In the future that I worked so hard to reconstruct, there is no Big Brother."
Guan Shanyun staggered a step.
Jiang Feng said: "But at the beginning, my future was all about my big brother."
Guan Shanyun seemed to be at a loss. He said, "I'm sorry, Afeng. I'm late."
……
On the way back to the palace, Jiang Feng was eerily silent.
When he returned to the study, Li Longye was sitting upright, writing at his desk.
Jiang Feng walked over and looked, and saw eight big words: "Just do good things and don't worry about the future."
Jiang Feng asked: "Did you go to Qiushan?"
Li Longye made his final statement, saying, "After we separated at Fenglingjin, I returned to Liangzhou. One day, I woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly remembered that you had buried the stone with the inscription under the apricot tree. I suddenly wanted to know what you had written. I didn't even wait for dawn, so I ran to Qiushan to dig it out. Old man Sun was meditating under the tree, and my sudden visit scared him so much that his beard became crooked."
Jiang Feng smiled bitterly, not knowing what to say for a moment.
Li Longye added: "I saw these eight words you left behind, and I thought about them for a long time, and I also gained some insights."
"If I fall in love with a girl and want to be with her, I must first cherish her, respect her, and give to her instead of just possessing and demanding. I did the same thing after returning from Liangzhou. Have you felt my changes?" Li Longye said.
Jiang Feng nodded.
Li Longye sighed and said, "But I was selfish again."
He sat on the armchair, looked up at Jiang Feng, and said, "After Madam Jiang passed away, Guan Shanyun found me. He said you were not suitable for the palace, and he wanted to take you away and asked me to let you go."
"I agreed on the surface, and agreed that you were free to choose. But I turned around and begged my aunt to ask my father for mercy, and that's how the imperial edict and the divorce letter came about."
"Not only that!" He pointed to a pile of memorials on the desk and continued, "I also instructed officials from the Ministry of Personnel to impeach Guan Jingren and Guan Shanfeng, and I am ready to suppress the Guan family at any time."
"Just do good things and don't worry about the future! I can't do it, Afeng, I can't do it! You must be in my future! I can't not care about the outcome!"
The more Li Longye spoke, the more excited he became.
Jiang Feng walked behind him, put his arms around his neck, bowed his head, and said softly: "Isn't it a lucky thing for a woman to make the prince think about her so much and plan to be with her?"
Li Longye looked at her as she leaned over, and asked, "Do you really think so? Don't you blame me?"
Jiang Feng said: "I am not a cattail, without any opinion, drifting with the wind. The path I choose, unless it leads to a dead end, is one I will follow till the end!"